How Beast Boy Ruined Christmas
by Glee-chan
Summary: In this festive tale, we find the Teen Titans enjoying the Holiday's together. But that impish jokester Beast Boy doesn't understand the true meaning of Christmas, and manages to cause a pickle! Will Beast Boy learn his lesson? Will Christmas be saved? The answer will be revealed within this soon to be timeless Christmas classic! The answer is no.


How Beast Boy Ruined Christmas

A Short Story by Glee-chan

Disclaimer:  
>Teen Titans and the characters within this story was created and owned by DC Comics and the various writers and artists of production staff. As such, the author does not claim ownership of anything other than this individual fan fiction. Thank you.<p>

Beast Boy strutted into the Command Center which a big grin on his stupid face. It was Christmas, and was beaming from ear to ear on the possibility that someone may have bought him Unexpected Bukkaki Victims 7 on BluRay. He had hinted towards it for nearly two months, so his hopes were high that maybe he'd get it. As he came into the room, he eyed the Christmas tree, and leered hopefully at the gifts placed underneath it.

He tore his eyes away from what was going to be the main event of the morning, and looked at the other Titans, who were gathered around the kitchen. Bumblebee and Robin were cooking Breakfast for everyone, while several were sitting around watching them, while others were clustered together chatting.

"Merry X-Mas, everyone!" Beast Boy shouted as he came into the room.

"Don't take the Christ out of Christmas, BB." Bumblebee said next to a pan of cooking sausage.

"Actually, he isn't." Robin pointed out. "In the middle ages, X and XP was often used to describe 'Christ'. They took this because the Greek spelling of Christ was-"

"Hold that thought Robin." Bumblebee looked at him annoyed. "You know damn well that BB doesn't know any of that… and that the modern reason for using 'X' came from companies replacing Christ with X on cards and whatnot because the cost of ink was cheaper…."

"I'm pretty sure that-" Robin began, but Bumblebee pouted at him so he stopped himself. "Just say Christmas, Beast Boy."

Deciding to be difficult, Beast Boy thought it would be funny to pick on Bumblebee. "I don't see the problem of saying X-Mas. So I'm going to. It sounds cooler anyway. And besides, we're all here to open presents, not celebrate Jesus' birth."

Cyborg groaned and face palmed. "Why? Why are you starting a religious debate, man?"

Bumblebee was out of the kitchen and in Beast Boy's face now. Robin frantically took over her cooking duties. From behind the angry girl approaching him, Beast Boy saw Argent run into the kitchen to help.

"Look. I'm not trying to spit on your beliefs, so stop doing it to me!" Bumblebee pointed out. "I am here for friends and gifts, but this time of year is special to me because I do celebrate the birth of our savior!"

"Your savior." Beast Boy stuck out his tongue.

"You're not being funny." Raven remarked. "Just leave her alone."

"Hey, she can dish it but she can't take it." Beast Boy shrugged.

"What does that mean?"" Bumblebee glared at him. "I just asked you to respect my beliefs."

"But it's okay if you don't respect mine." Beast Boy pushed her limits even more.

"Oh bull. You don't have any real beliefs on the topic, you just want to piss me off."

"You know, it's not very Christian like to swear like that."

"Forget this!" Bumblebee stomped her foot. "I'm out of here."

"Wait… don't go!" Cyborg was running up to them. "Look, let's just agree that everything just got blown out of proportion and agree to have a fun time."

"I want an apology."

"You'll both apologize, okay?" Cyborg, the peace-maker, tried.

Bumblebee looked furious, but she didn't budge. Clearly she was waiting for Beast Boy's apology first before issuing one of her own. Cyborg gave Beast Boy a pained look and mouthed 'C'mon man.' But he didn't like how Bumblebee was some what winning by demanding her apology first.

"Screw that. I don't think I said anything wrong."

"Fuck this." Bumblebee stomped over to her purse, snatched it up, and went for the door.

"Merry X-Mas!" Beast Boy called at her, to which she screamed.

Cyborg looked at Beast Boy was an gaping mouth. "Dude, what the hell? You know she's super religious!"

"It's not my problem. I'm not the one dating her."

"Whatever man." Cyborg pushed pass Beast Boy and ran off after Bumblebee.

Beast Boy looked at the others and made a whip sound. No one laughed. Robin shook his head, while Argent was floating upside down so she could reach the bacon pan. There was a general return to conversation at this point, but most of the talk was about what just went down. Beast Boy didn't care. He went into the kitchen and watched what Robin and Argent were doing.

"Hey, where's all the veggy stuff?" He asked.

"You food takes less time, so we're cooking it last." Robin told him.

"Could you be a darling and stand outside of the kitchen?" Argent asked politely. "It's just a bit cramped in here."

"I live here, I can stand where I want." Beast Boy decided to tease her next.

Argent didn't take the bait. "That's lovely, well while you're standing there, I won't have room to cook you your waffles, so I hope you like the ones we're having."

"Fine, fine." Beast Boy raised his hands. "Don't be a bitch about it."

Argent flinched. Robin groaned. Raven suddenly was at the kitchen entrance. "Forget about it, Argent. Come on Beast Boy, there are plenty people to insult out here."

"Dude, why is everyone blame me for everything?" Beast Boy said, as he was led out by Raven. "They're all just being too sensative."

"Yeah, that's it." Raven said dryly.

"Anyway…" Beast Boy remembered something. He reached into his pocket and produced some mistletoe. She gave a horny grin and placed it over his head and leaned in for a kiss next to Raven. "Give us a big wet one, baby."

"Pass." Raven rolled her eyes at him.

"Hey, you sure you want to pass this up? I'm all man, and I'm a great kisser."

"Why don't you try your luck on someone else?" Raven crossed her arms underneath her chest.

"Don't be a Scrudge!" Beast Boy raised his eyebrows up and down.

"I don't think you know what that means." Raven said then walked away.

Shrugging Beast Boy thought he would try his luck on someone else. The only other girls left were Jinx and Starfire, and they was chatting with Speedy, Aqualad, and Kid Flash. So he slunk over to them with the mistletoe over his head giving them both a leering grin.

Jinx laughed. "Think you're going to get lucky like that?"

"Yeah baby, let me show you some real magic."

"Excuse me, but you're hitting on my girlfriend." Kid Flash pointed out.

"It's all in good fun, dude." Beast Boy flicked him off, then smirked at Jinx.

"Well I'm telling you to stop." Kid Flash wouldn't drop it.

"C'mon." Jinx grabbed Kid Flash's arm and started to lead him away. "I'll kiss you even without the mistletoe."

Aqualad and Speedy snickered. Kid Flash turned around. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing." Aqualad quickly said.

Speedy wasn't so subtile. "She owns you man. Ha ha."

"So what? I don't see any of you losers here with a girlfriend."

"Who are you calling a loser?"

"You, pretty boy."

"How about I shove an arrow up your ass!"

"Like you could long enough to fire a shot!"

"Stop fighting!" Jinx shouted. "This is so stupid."

"Tell that to flame-head over there." Kid Flash pointed at Speedy.

"Call me flame-head again, dickwad!" Speedy was in Kid Flash's face now.

Beast Boy scooted to Jinx. "Forget this zero, hook up with a hero." He placed the mistletoe over his head again.

"Ugh!" Jinx pushed Beast Boy away and grabbed Kid Flash's arm. "I'm going, take me home."

"Later." Kid Flash was still glaring at Speedy.

"NOW!" Jinx shouted at him.

"Better do what she says." Speedy smirked at him.

With that Kid Flash decked Speedy. Speedy reeled back, but returned with a fist of his own. With him moments the two boys were all over each other, raining blows on the other like wild animals, all the while Jinx was shouting at them to stop. Aqualad stepped in, trying to put the fight to a close, but they started fighting him too. It was enough that Aqualad also lost his cool and starting hitting whoever was nearby. Beast Boy creeped next to Starfire to get away from the fray.

"Stop it! Stop it or I'm going! Kid Flash, I mean it! Take me home! UGH! Forget it!" Jinx was shouting. She went to the door, but the boys were still at each other's throats. She turned around and made one last attempt to get them to stop fighting. "I'm going. If you don't follow me, we're through!"

That got his attention. Kid Flash let go of Aqualad's leg and stopped biting on Speedy's finger. "What?"

"I'm so mad at you!" Jinx shouted, then left. Without another word, Kid Flash took off after her.

"Great going douchebag." Speedy looked at Beast Boy. "Fuck this noise, I'm out." Speedy left as well.

Aqualad looked around, a bit out of place. All his teammates had left. He gave a disappointed shrug and followed Speedy out the door. Starfire blinked and looked at Raven, who was holding her forehead in exasperation. Seeing that the tension of the room was high, and knowing that even if he didn't want to admit it, he did start that fight, Beast Boy thought he'd try to cheer everyone up.

"Hey Star, I got something for you." Beast Boy held the mistletoe over his head again and playfully went for a kiss.

"Oh. Thank you Beast Boy." Starfire took the mistletoe with a sweet smile and popped it in her mouth.

"Starfire no!" Raven called out, but it was too late. She had already chewed it up and swallowed it. "Shit!"

"What happened?" Robin called from the kitchen. Raven having an emotional outburst was enough to get anyone's attention.

"Starfire just ate Beast Boy's mistletoe."

"Christ…" Robin was running out of the kitchen.

"What? What's the big deal?" Beast Boy asked. "She's and alien, she eats lots of weird things."

"Mistletoe is poisonous, you bloody wanker." Argent was following Robin.

Starfire blinked a few times. "Ughhhh. I do not feel so well."

"God…" Robin looked worried at Starfire, then turned to Raven. "Please call the Meta-Hospital. tell them we have an Tamoranian who's poisoned with mistletoe. Inform them that we're on our way to them. Argent, could you give Starfire and I a lift."

"No problem." Argent said, and was already creating an energy field to hold the three of them.

Raven was on the phone in and instant, while Starfire and now sweating and holding her stomach. She looked like she was either going to puke, or have else have to use the tiolet. Never the less, Beast Boy never saw her look so sick in his life. Raven gave them a nod as Argent was flying them out the window and off towards Jump City. After a few moments, Beast Boy and Raven were alone.

Then the smell of burning reached their noses and Raven ran into the kitchen. She squealed and turned off all the burners, but there was already heavy smoke, and a fire forming on one of the pans. Taking action, Beast Boy transformed into an Elephant, reached his trunk into the sink water and blasted the stove and Raven with water.

"You idiot!" Raven shouted.

At first he thought she was mad that he sprayed her with water, but then he saw the flames burst higher. Dancing in a bit of a panic for a few seconds Raven threw open the cabinet doors, looking for something. Then she came out with baking soda and threw it wildly at the inferno before her. After a few moments the flames died down.

"That was a grease fire, yogurt brain." Raven scowled at him. She was caked in chalk baking soda in the areas she wasn't dripping wet.

"Hey, how was I supposed to know?" Beast said, reverting back to his humanoid form.

"By using common sense." Raven pointed at the blacken pan.

It held the sausages. The whole stove area was black from the fire, and not only that but all the food prepared before was either soaked or had baking soda on it. Beast Boy looked sheepishly at Raven and gave a guilty laugh. But she was in no mood for it. She walked pass him in a cloud of baking soda, presumably heading for the showers. And there he was, standing alone in the command center.

He looked at the mess in the kitchen, the blood on the floor where the three boys had the fight, and the open window Argent used to fly Robin and Starfire to the hospital. Then his eyes drifted to the Christmas tree, with the presents still sitting perfectly under it, undamaged by the morning's events. Grinning he danced to it, got on his hands and knees and started to pull his gifts out.

He took Starfire's gift first, feeling it was the least he could do after poisoning her. He ripped it open savagely and threw the paper aside then looked at the gift box with anticipation. When he opened it up, he saw it was a homemade quilt, with carefully chosen out images of hand-crafed cartoon girls in various ecchi poses. Obviously she had taken the time to research what he liked, and put a lot of effort into the quilt.

"That's not what I wanted at all! Great going Starfire!" Groaning he threw the box off his lap. "Why does this always happen to me every year?!"


End file.
